Thursday, August 29, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
I post all the time about the children and hardly ever post about Philip and myself. So in this post I want to take the time and brag about the best man I know....my wonderful husband. Philip and I are coming up on our 8 year Anniversary and I know to a lot of people that is not a long time but to us it is a big milestone. We have not had an easy marriage but who has? We have had to overcome a lot of obstacles in our marriage and a lot of these obstacles were in the first couple years of our marriage. From the moment we met..we were sucked into what I love to call a tornado of love. We wasted no time at all..if u took the time to blink...you were gonna miss something. We were engaged after 2 months of dating and married 3 months later. I will say that the world was against us from the beginning. I will apologize in advance for anyone I offend in this post...because a lot of family reads our blog. But both families were against our marriage from the start and in their defense we were young, dumb, and madly in love. Some may not believe in true love, love at first sight, soul mates, etc....but I sure do. From the moment we met...we were so passionate in everything we did. We loved hard and boy did we fight hard. Family and Friends would comment on our fighting and how they did not understand how and why we fought so much and why would we argue in public. Friends had bets on how long our relationship would last...I suspect that our families were wondering the same thing. Well we are 8 years in and more in love than ever. It is hard to explain our relationship...but it works for us. In the beginning we were young and had no clue what we were doing. We were both very strong, hard headed, opinionated personalities and we clashed a lot. If we did something that annoyed or pissed the other off...well we were gonna address it...whether it be at home, out to dinner, out with family or friends. For me...I wanted him to know right then and there that he done pissed me off and I was not gonna ruin my night by holding it in until we had privacy. But I can tell you...as quickly as we were to argue or disagree...we were that quick to move on and laugh and cuddle again :) People didn't understand our relationship...and that is ok...I couldn't and still can't understand a lot of other relationships. The other day we were joking that we haven't had a good argument in a long time :) Philip is such an amazing man. He is my husband, the love of my life, my soul mate, and has grown into my best friend. For those who truly know Phil...must know that he is not an easy person to handle. He is a joker, smart ass, speaks his mind all the time, has no filter, loves to annoy or push buttons, has a very dirty and dry sense of humor..oh I could go on. And people assume that when he gets home...he turns that all off and is normal....umm...nope. I get it all the time and at times it can be rather annoying but at the end of the day...if I am being truly honest...that is what I love the most about him. I can never stay mad at him, because he can always make me smile or laugh. I love that he still acts like a crazy 16 year old around me (shh don't tell him that) yes at times he annoys me when he can't keep his hands off of me but at the end of the day it makes me feel good that after 3 kids he still finds me smokin hot as he puts it :) He is so wonderful with our children. I love to watch him play with the kids. I love to hear him wrestling or killing zombies with the boys. Or sitting down in Ashlyn's tiny chair playing tea party. I love the way Ashlyn looks into Daddy's eyes .... she adores him and he can do no wrong and he eats it up. We both love our children with all of our hearts but I love that our children do not take over our relationship. When it comes to us...we come first. I may gets a lot of gasps from that statement but it is true. We are our children's foundation and we can not afford to have any cracks so yes we come first. We make sure we have quiet and alone time. We try and plan lots of date nights. Because at the end of the day...your children will grow up and leave and then it will just be the two of you and I have seen too many marriages end once the kids leave. Couples get so caught up in their kids lives...that they neglect their spouses. And then they wake up one day and have no idea who they are married to. We try everything in our power to not let that happen. Don't get me wrong...it is hard but we found a good balance between work, kids, and us. I look back at my life and become so very overwhelmed. I have come a long way and I could have taken another path....thank GOD I didn't. Philip saved me, he was my knight in shiny armor who rescued me. In these past eight years we have lots some family and friend relationships due to one another...and for the life I me...I can not understand why. Philip has done nothing but make sure that I am taken care of. He always puts me first. He works long and hard to provide for his family and then works even harder to gives us all those little extras in life. He is the father or my 3 beautiful children. The same goes for me. I love Philip more than life itself. I try and go out of my way to help and provide for him. I am the mother of his 3 children....if that isn't enough then I don't know what is. But as my wonderful husband always puts it....at the end of the day, the only people who matter are in this house :) and he is totally correct. Can not wait to spend another 8 years with him!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Sitting on the couch tonight watching Swamp People with my wonderful hubby and I had a flash back to my childhood. My Mae Mae and Paw Paw lived in a beautiful house on Lake Claiborne in Louisiana. I have so manu fond memories of that house and the summers I spent with my grandparents. Tonight I was telling Philip about my grandfather and his fishing skills. I remember that once we caught a fish, we had to place them in the old washing machine drum that was kept in the water near the fishing dock and boat shed. I asked my grandfather one evening why we kept the fish in the drum and he explained he didn't want Ichabod Crane to get his fish. From that point on, I was so scared to go down to the boat shed alone because I thought Ichabod Crane was a big scaly lake monster ....and those feelings went on for probably 2 summers. Then one evening while walking down to the shed with my Paw Paw...I asked him if he was ever scared of Ichabod Crane and that I was scared he was going walk out of the water and eat me. He laughed at me and explained that Ichabod Crane was just a bird that liked to eat fish and that I had nothing to worry about. I felt so much better after hearing that :) I sure do miss my grandfather but very happy to have such wonderful memories :)
(including soon to be Mothers)
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think... I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.
I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.
That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mum!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.
That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.
I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.
I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.
I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Please share this with a Mum that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Mums. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Yesterday we went to Sam's to get some meds and the kids saw PetSmart out of the window. To which Aidan exclaims "Mommy, one day when you grow up and get us a new home, I am going to buy us a dog" I tell him that, that sounds like a wonderful idea. He then tells me that he can buy 2 dogs because he has 2 monies (2 quarters)...I tell him that he may need more than two monies and to which he responds "Yeah, Daddy can buy the rest...I will jusy buy the ears" lol
Today was a stay at home sick day. We have all been plagued with Strep throat :( hopefully after 24 hours of meds...kiddos will be able to go back to school. I wish I had half the energy that my kids have. They woke up with nasty coughs and sore throats...yet all day today they have been running around, sword fighting, jumping all over the place...while poor mom is laid up on the couch about to die. It takes all the energy I have to get up to pee and these kids are re-enacting the Summer Olympics in our living room. Today was a day that Mommy wished she could run away. But we managed to survive the day and now kiddos are fast asleep and Mommy is soaking in the bath :) as I write this I am trying to recall my earliest childhood memories...I worry that my children will remember all the negative about mommy and not the positive. I dont want them to remember my screaming, my anger, the moments where I lose my cool....instead I want them to remember Mommy trying to rap to the Lorax song, or that I let them pig out on snack food in the living room all day, or that they got to play my kindle :) ahhh worry...worry...worry is what I do best :) hopefully they will remember both and maybe when they have kids they will understand the days I had
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Motherhood is such a roller coaster of a ride. We have our ups and downs along with our sideways and upside downs. But I absolutely love being a mother and I wouldn't give it up for anything. Growing up I was always the one who loved to watch kids. During parties I was in the baby room playing with kiddos or watching babies. I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up but instead GOD blessed me with motherhood :) Although I will say that I had a lot more patience when I was younger and when I did not have any kids...not sure how that works??? I knew I always wanted to be a mother but I was not prepared for what motherhood had in store, I was not prepared for my heart to be ripped out of my body and to be put in 3 little humans. I was not ready for all the worrying, all the tears, all the laughter, and all the pain that came along with such a big title. Each birth changed Miranda into a different person...a better person. I will say that motherhood hasn't really sank in or affected me as much as it has this past year. I have not had your normal childhood. I did not grow up with both of my parents and a picket fence. My mother walked out on me at the age of 2 and my father could not take care of me by himself so I lived with relatives until father remarried when I was 7, I then moved back in with father and step mother and lived with them until I was 16. Life was good but it was not normal. My father and step mother provided and gave me a good life but I did lack in some departments...departments that I feel are very important for a little girl. I was not raised with a strong motherly bond or figure in my life and it has affected me and still affects me to this day. I remember while growing up, I would explain my life to friends and they would feel so sorry and apologize and I would push it aside and say it isn't that big of a deal...cause at the time it wasn't...I didn't know anything else. But right now...at this time...in this moment...it is a big deal! I ask myself everyday when I struggle with my past "Why"....well because I have my own children now. I was Ashlyn's age when my birth mother walked out, so these events are stirring up the skeletons in the closet. Do I still hurt from my past...yes! Do I still hold anger and resentment...yes! Do I need to forgive and move on....yes! Am I ready for that right now....no! But one day I will be :) But all the ranting and raving leads me back to motherhood....although I do not know what my birth mother was going through...I could never imagine not being in my children's life. I could not imagine not seeing them off on their first day of school, not celebrating each birthday with them, not hearing them tell me "Mommy, I Love You" every night before they go to bed. Yes, I lack a lot of patience. Yes, I look at super moms..who teach their kids lessons at home everyday, who feed their kids 100% healthy lunches, who never yell or spank, who make clothes, and cook dinner every night and yes I am a little jealous...could I do better...OF COURSE...I am sure we all could. Yeah, I let my kids watch too much TV, they get to stay up late, they sometimes hear a bad song or watch a bad movie...yeah we eat a lot of chicken nuggets and mac n cheese, and no I do not always play with my children....and yes I am very hard on myself and at times I hate myself because I feel like I am being a BAD mother BUT when I look at my past...I have to remind myself that I am doing a lot better than what I was taught :) And yes there is always room for improvement and it takes baby steps and there is no such thing as a PERFECT mother. There are times where I get so overwhelmed with my emotions of being a mother. I have so many projects that I want to do for my children. I have keepsake boxes for each and I must say they are all over flowing. I started a scrapbook for Ace and want to start one for Aidan and Ashlyn. I am in process of making them all blankets. I also have journals for each...haven't written in them in a while but they are filled with letters from me to them and filled with funny stories or saying that they have said or done. I would love to follow in my grandmother's footsteps and write an auto-biography but as you can see...I am not a very good writer...kinda fly off the mouth type of person :) I want to make them a family cook book....ohh the list could go on. So I have to remind myself when I am being hard on Miranda...that I am doing a good job, that I am doing better than was done to me, that my intentions are in the right place and that there is no such thing as a perfect mother. This is another reason why I am getting back into blogging...I would love to show this blog to the kids as they grow up and watch them read all the funny and crazy things I have written over the years! The joys of Motherhood! There are plenty of times throughout the day that Mommy needs a timeout, that Mommy can not stand to hear one more tattle, that Mommy just wants to pee in peace. There are times where I think "Oh I just want to run away" but then I have Ace walk up and tell me that I am a cool Mommy cause I let him watch Zombie movies, or Aidan will walk up and tell me that even though I am still in my PJs...that I still look BEAUTIFUL, or Ashlyn Mae will walk up and tell me Mommy you are my best friend..you are special...I love you...lets go shopping :) and all the frustration and anger goes away. And sometimes I need to just put the broom down, turn the tv off, put the phone down, and get down on the floor and play with my children. Again...motherhood is a work in progress but I love every minute of it and I think I am doing a pretty damn good job :) I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART ACE, AIDAN, and ASHLYN MAE :)