Sitting on the couch tonight watching Swamp People with my wonderful hubby and I had a flash back to my childhood. My Mae Mae and Paw Paw lived in a beautiful house on Lake Claiborne in Louisiana. I have so manu fond memories of that house and the summers I spent with my grandparents. Tonight I was telling Philip about my grandfather and his fishing skills. I remember that once we caught a fish, we had to place them in the old washing machine drum that was kept in the water near the fishing dock and boat shed. I asked my grandfather one evening why we kept the fish in the drum and he explained he didn't want Ichabod Crane to get his fish. From that point on, I was so scared to go down to the boat shed alone because I thought Ichabod Crane was a big scaly lake monster ....and those feelings went on for probably 2 summers. Then one evening while walking down to the shed with my Paw Paw...I asked him if he was ever scared of Ichabod Crane and that I was scared he was going walk out of the water and eat me. He laughed at me and explained that Ichabod Crane was just a bird that liked to eat fish and that I had nothing to worry about. I felt so much better after hearing that :) I sure do miss my grandfather but very happy to have such wonderful memories :)
Thursday, March 14, 2013
A Mother's Letter....
Saw this letter on Facebook and this is so true :)
For all Mother's
(including soon to be Mothers)
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think... I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.
I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.
That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mum!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.
That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.
I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.
I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.
I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Please share this with a Mum that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Mums. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.
(Author Unknown)
(including soon to be Mothers)
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think... I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.
I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.
That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mum!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.
That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.
I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.
I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.
I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Please share this with a Mum that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Mums. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.
(Author Unknown)
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Aceism
Ace sees the "PetSmart" sign and asks me "Mommy, is that were Dogs go to school to get smart"...lol I explain what PetSmart is and he says that they should change the name of store
Aidanism
Yesterday we went to Sam's to get some meds and the kids saw PetSmart out of the window. To which Aidan exclaims "Mommy, one day when you grow up and get us a new home, I am going to buy us a dog" I tell him that, that sounds like a wonderful idea. He then tells me that he can buy 2 dogs because he has 2 monies (2 quarters)...I tell him that he may need more than two monies and to which he responds "Yeah, Daddy can buy the rest...I will jusy buy the ears" lol
Sick Days
Today was a stay at home sick day. We have all been plagued with Strep throat :( hopefully after 24 hours of meds...kiddos will be able to go back to school. I wish I had half the energy that my kids have. They woke up with nasty coughs and sore throats...yet all day today they have been running around, sword fighting, jumping all over the place...while poor mom is laid up on the couch about to die. It takes all the energy I have to get up to pee and these kids are re-enacting the Summer Olympics in our living room. Today was a day that Mommy wished she could run away. But we managed to survive the day and now kiddos are fast asleep and Mommy is soaking in the bath :) as I write this I am trying to recall my earliest childhood memories...I worry that my children will remember all the negative about mommy and not the positive. I dont want them to remember my screaming, my anger, the moments where I lose my cool....instead I want them to remember Mommy trying to rap to the Lorax song, or that I let them pig out on snack food in the living room all day, or that they got to play my kindle :) ahhh worry...worry...worry is what I do best :) hopefully they will remember both and maybe when they have kids they will understand the days I had
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Motherhood
*WARNING TO READERS...I am not a writer, I do not pretend to be. I have diarrhea of the mouth that transfers to the keyboard. I rant and rave and blab and I do not use correct punctuations and spelling. Blogging is a way to release my thoughts...I am not trying to write a novel. So for all you teachers and grammar freaks...I APOLOGIZE :)
Motherhood is such a roller coaster of a ride. We have our ups and downs along with our sideways and upside downs. But I absolutely love being a mother and I wouldn't give it up for anything. Growing up I was always the one who loved to watch kids. During parties I was in the baby room playing with kiddos or watching babies. I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up but instead GOD blessed me with motherhood :) Although I will say that I had a lot more patience when I was younger and when I did not have any kids...not sure how that works??? I knew I always wanted to be a mother but I was not prepared for what motherhood had in store, I was not prepared for my heart to be ripped out of my body and to be put in 3 little humans. I was not ready for all the worrying, all the tears, all the laughter, and all the pain that came along with such a big title. Each birth changed Miranda into a different person...a better person. I will say that motherhood hasn't really sank in or affected me as much as it has this past year. I have not had your normal childhood. I did not grow up with both of my parents and a picket fence. My mother walked out on me at the age of 2 and my father could not take care of me by himself so I lived with relatives until father remarried when I was 7, I then moved back in with father and step mother and lived with them until I was 16. Life was good but it was not normal. My father and step mother provided and gave me a good life but I did lack in some departments...departments that I feel are very important for a little girl. I was not raised with a strong motherly bond or figure in my life and it has affected me and still affects me to this day. I remember while growing up, I would explain my life to friends and they would feel so sorry and apologize and I would push it aside and say it isn't that big of a deal...cause at the time it wasn't...I didn't know anything else. But right now...at this time...in this moment...it is a big deal! I ask myself everyday when I struggle with my past "Why"....well because I have my own children now. I was Ashlyn's age when my birth mother walked out, so these events are stirring up the skeletons in the closet. Do I still hurt from my past...yes! Do I still hold anger and resentment...yes! Do I need to forgive and move on....yes! Am I ready for that right now....no! But one day I will be :) But all the ranting and raving leads me back to motherhood....although I do not know what my birth mother was going through...I could never imagine not being in my children's life. I could not imagine not seeing them off on their first day of school, not celebrating each birthday with them, not hearing them tell me "Mommy, I Love You" every night before they go to bed. Yes, I lack a lot of patience. Yes, I look at super moms..who teach their kids lessons at home everyday, who feed their kids 100% healthy lunches, who never yell or spank, who make clothes, and cook dinner every night and yes I am a little jealous...could I do better...OF COURSE...I am sure we all could. Yeah, I let my kids watch too much TV, they get to stay up late, they sometimes hear a bad song or watch a bad movie...yeah we eat a lot of chicken nuggets and mac n cheese, and no I do not always play with my children....and yes I am very hard on myself and at times I hate myself because I feel like I am being a BAD mother BUT when I look at my past...I have to remind myself that I am doing a lot better than what I was taught :) And yes there is always room for improvement and it takes baby steps and there is no such thing as a PERFECT mother. There are times where I get so overwhelmed with my emotions of being a mother. I have so many projects that I want to do for my children. I have keepsake boxes for each and I must say they are all over flowing. I started a scrapbook for Ace and want to start one for Aidan and Ashlyn. I am in process of making them all blankets. I also have journals for each...haven't written in them in a while but they are filled with letters from me to them and filled with funny stories or saying that they have said or done. I would love to follow in my grandmother's footsteps and write an auto-biography but as you can see...I am not a very good writer...kinda fly off the mouth type of person :) I want to make them a family cook book....ohh the list could go on. So I have to remind myself when I am being hard on Miranda...that I am doing a good job, that I am doing better than was done to me, that my intentions are in the right place and that there is no such thing as a perfect mother. This is another reason why I am getting back into blogging...I would love to show this blog to the kids as they grow up and watch them read all the funny and crazy things I have written over the years! The joys of Motherhood! There are plenty of times throughout the day that Mommy needs a timeout, that Mommy can not stand to hear one more tattle, that Mommy just wants to pee in peace. There are times where I think "Oh I just want to run away" but then I have Ace walk up and tell me that I am a cool Mommy cause I let him watch Zombie movies, or Aidan will walk up and tell me that even though I am still in my PJs...that I still look BEAUTIFUL, or Ashlyn Mae will walk up and tell me Mommy you are my best friend..you are special...I love you...lets go shopping :) and all the frustration and anger goes away. And sometimes I need to just put the broom down, turn the tv off, put the phone down, and get down on the floor and play with my children. Again...motherhood is a work in progress but I love every minute of it and I think I am doing a pretty damn good job :) I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART ACE, AIDAN, and ASHLYN MAE :)
Motherhood is such a roller coaster of a ride. We have our ups and downs along with our sideways and upside downs. But I absolutely love being a mother and I wouldn't give it up for anything. Growing up I was always the one who loved to watch kids. During parties I was in the baby room playing with kiddos or watching babies. I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up but instead GOD blessed me with motherhood :) Although I will say that I had a lot more patience when I was younger and when I did not have any kids...not sure how that works??? I knew I always wanted to be a mother but I was not prepared for what motherhood had in store, I was not prepared for my heart to be ripped out of my body and to be put in 3 little humans. I was not ready for all the worrying, all the tears, all the laughter, and all the pain that came along with such a big title. Each birth changed Miranda into a different person...a better person. I will say that motherhood hasn't really sank in or affected me as much as it has this past year. I have not had your normal childhood. I did not grow up with both of my parents and a picket fence. My mother walked out on me at the age of 2 and my father could not take care of me by himself so I lived with relatives until father remarried when I was 7, I then moved back in with father and step mother and lived with them until I was 16. Life was good but it was not normal. My father and step mother provided and gave me a good life but I did lack in some departments...departments that I feel are very important for a little girl. I was not raised with a strong motherly bond or figure in my life and it has affected me and still affects me to this day. I remember while growing up, I would explain my life to friends and they would feel so sorry and apologize and I would push it aside and say it isn't that big of a deal...cause at the time it wasn't...I didn't know anything else. But right now...at this time...in this moment...it is a big deal! I ask myself everyday when I struggle with my past "Why"....well because I have my own children now. I was Ashlyn's age when my birth mother walked out, so these events are stirring up the skeletons in the closet. Do I still hurt from my past...yes! Do I still hold anger and resentment...yes! Do I need to forgive and move on....yes! Am I ready for that right now....no! But one day I will be :) But all the ranting and raving leads me back to motherhood....although I do not know what my birth mother was going through...I could never imagine not being in my children's life. I could not imagine not seeing them off on their first day of school, not celebrating each birthday with them, not hearing them tell me "Mommy, I Love You" every night before they go to bed. Yes, I lack a lot of patience. Yes, I look at super moms..who teach their kids lessons at home everyday, who feed their kids 100% healthy lunches, who never yell or spank, who make clothes, and cook dinner every night and yes I am a little jealous...could I do better...OF COURSE...I am sure we all could. Yeah, I let my kids watch too much TV, they get to stay up late, they sometimes hear a bad song or watch a bad movie...yeah we eat a lot of chicken nuggets and mac n cheese, and no I do not always play with my children....and yes I am very hard on myself and at times I hate myself because I feel like I am being a BAD mother BUT when I look at my past...I have to remind myself that I am doing a lot better than what I was taught :) And yes there is always room for improvement and it takes baby steps and there is no such thing as a PERFECT mother. There are times where I get so overwhelmed with my emotions of being a mother. I have so many projects that I want to do for my children. I have keepsake boxes for each and I must say they are all over flowing. I started a scrapbook for Ace and want to start one for Aidan and Ashlyn. I am in process of making them all blankets. I also have journals for each...haven't written in them in a while but they are filled with letters from me to them and filled with funny stories or saying that they have said or done. I would love to follow in my grandmother's footsteps and write an auto-biography but as you can see...I am not a very good writer...kinda fly off the mouth type of person :) I want to make them a family cook book....ohh the list could go on. So I have to remind myself when I am being hard on Miranda...that I am doing a good job, that I am doing better than was done to me, that my intentions are in the right place and that there is no such thing as a perfect mother. This is another reason why I am getting back into blogging...I would love to show this blog to the kids as they grow up and watch them read all the funny and crazy things I have written over the years! The joys of Motherhood! There are plenty of times throughout the day that Mommy needs a timeout, that Mommy can not stand to hear one more tattle, that Mommy just wants to pee in peace. There are times where I think "Oh I just want to run away" but then I have Ace walk up and tell me that I am a cool Mommy cause I let him watch Zombie movies, or Aidan will walk up and tell me that even though I am still in my PJs...that I still look BEAUTIFUL, or Ashlyn Mae will walk up and tell me Mommy you are my best friend..you are special...I love you...lets go shopping :) and all the frustration and anger goes away. And sometimes I need to just put the broom down, turn the tv off, put the phone down, and get down on the floor and play with my children. Again...motherhood is a work in progress but I love every minute of it and I think I am doing a pretty damn good job :) I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART ACE, AIDAN, and ASHLYN MAE :)
Caught Up With Life
I have neglected my blogging duties. Life has just taken ahold of the Johnson Household and I have put some projects on the back burner...and blogging was one of them :( But I have decided that blogging about our family is very important, it is important to keep all of our friends and family in the loop with our exciting adventures BUT it is also a very good way for me to journal and keep track of all the fun and exciting things we do as a family....and one day I can pass this blog down to the kiddos and let them experience all these adventures over again :) Life has a funny way of getting in the middle of Life ;) We get caught up in the everyday routine, we get caught up with work, or school and we forget to sit down, take a break, and appreciate all we have! I have promised myself that I am going to do just that from now on. Over the next week I am going to update the blog with some of our past adventures so STAY TUNED :)
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