Motherhood

*WARNING TO READERS...I am not a writer, I do not pretend to be. I have diarrhea of the mouth that transfers to the keyboard. I rant and rave and blab and I do not use correct punctuations and spelling. Blogging is a way to release my thoughts...I am not trying to write a novel. So for all you teachers and grammar freaks...I APOLOGIZE :)


Motherhood is such a roller coaster of a ride. We have our ups and downs along with our sideways and upside downs. But I absolutely love being a mother and I wouldn't give it up for anything. Growing up I was always the one who loved to watch kids. During parties I was in the baby room playing with kiddos or watching babies. I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up but instead GOD blessed me with motherhood :) Although I will say that I had a lot more patience when I was younger and when I did not have any kids...not sure how that works??? I knew I always wanted to be a mother but I was not prepared for what motherhood had in store, I was not prepared for my heart to be ripped out of my body and to be put in 3 little humans. I was not ready for all the worrying, all the tears, all the laughter, and all the pain that came along with such a big title. Each birth changed Miranda into a different person...a better person. I will say that motherhood hasn't really sank in or affected me as much as it has this past year. I have not had your normal childhood. I did not grow up with both of my parents and a picket fence. My mother walked out on me at the age of 2 and my father could not take care of me by himself so I lived with relatives until father remarried when I was 7, I then moved back in with father and step mother and lived with them until I was 16. Life was good but it was not normal. My father and step mother provided and gave me a good life but I did lack in some departments...departments that I feel are very important for a little girl. I was not raised with a strong motherly bond or figure in my life and it has affected me and still affects me to this day. I remember while growing up, I would explain my life to friends and they would feel so sorry and apologize and I would push it aside and say it isn't that big of a deal...cause at the time it wasn't...I didn't know anything else. But right now...at this time...in this moment...it is a big deal! I ask myself everyday when I struggle with my past "Why"....well because I have my own children now. I was Ashlyn's age when my birth mother walked out, so these events are stirring up the skeletons in the closet. Do I still hurt from my past...yes! Do I still hold anger and resentment...yes! Do I need to forgive and move on....yes! Am I ready for that right now....no! But one day I will be :) But all the ranting and raving leads me back to motherhood....although I do not know what my birth mother was going through...I could never imagine not being in my children's life. I could not imagine not seeing them off on their first day of school, not celebrating each birthday with them, not hearing them tell me "Mommy, I Love You" every night before they go to bed. Yes, I lack a lot of patience. Yes, I look at super moms..who teach their kids lessons at home everyday, who feed their kids 100% healthy lunches, who never yell or spank, who make clothes, and cook dinner every night and yes I am a little jealous...could I do better...OF COURSE...I am sure we all could. Yeah, I let my kids watch too much TV, they get to stay up late, they sometimes hear a bad song or watch a bad movie...yeah we eat a lot of chicken nuggets and mac n cheese, and no I do not always play with my children....and yes I am very hard on myself and at times I hate myself because I feel like I am being a BAD mother BUT when I look at my past...I have to remind myself that I am doing a lot better than what I was taught :) And yes there is always room for improvement and it takes baby steps and there is no such thing as a PERFECT mother. There are times where I get so overwhelmed with my emotions of being a mother. I have so many projects that I want to do for my children. I have keepsake boxes for each and I must say they are all over flowing. I started a scrapbook for Ace and want to start one for Aidan and Ashlyn. I am in process of making them all blankets. I also have journals for each...haven't written in them in a while but they are filled with letters from me to them and filled with funny stories or saying that they have said or done. I would love to follow in my grandmother's footsteps and write an auto-biography but as you can see...I am not a very good writer...kinda fly off the mouth type of person :) I want to make them a family cook book....ohh the list could go on. So I have to remind myself when I am being hard on Miranda...that I am doing a good job, that I am doing better than was done to me, that my intentions are in the right place and that there is no such thing as a perfect mother. This is another reason why I am getting back into blogging...I would love to show this blog to the kids as they grow up and watch them read all the funny and crazy things I have written over the years! The joys of Motherhood! There are plenty of times throughout the day that Mommy needs a timeout, that Mommy can not stand to hear one more tattle, that Mommy just wants to pee in peace. There are times where I think "Oh I just want to run away" but then I have Ace walk up and tell me that I am a cool Mommy cause I let him watch Zombie movies, or Aidan will walk up and tell me that even though I am still in my PJs...that I still look BEAUTIFUL, or Ashlyn Mae will walk up and tell me Mommy you are my best friend..you are special...I love you...lets go shopping :) and all the frustration and anger goes away. And sometimes I need to just put the broom down, turn the tv off, put the phone down, and get down on the floor and play with my children. Again...motherhood is a work in progress but I love every minute of it and I think I am doing a pretty damn good job :) I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART ACE, AIDAN, and ASHLYN MAE :)

Caught Up With Life

I have neglected my blogging duties. Life has just taken ahold of the Johnson Household and I have put some projects on the back burner...and blogging was one of them :( But I have decided that blogging about our family is very important, it is important to keep all of our friends and family in the loop with our exciting adventures BUT it is also a very good way for me to journal and keep track of all the fun and exciting things we do as a family....and one day I can pass this blog down to the kiddos and let them experience all these adventures over again :) Life has a funny way of getting in the middle of Life ;) We get caught up in the everyday routine, we get caught up with work, or school and we forget to sit down, take a break, and appreciate all we have! I have promised myself that I am going to do just that from now on. Over the next week I am going to update the blog with some of our past adventures so STAY TUNED :)

Are you ready for some football??? We are :)

 

 

Words can not express how happy we are for football to back...we sure do love us some football. Rooting for the Skins and Packers, playing our Fantasy, and all the yummy football food that goes with :) Ahhh I am in heaven :)

Happy Birthday Aidan

My baby boy Aidan turned 4 on his First Day of School...how awesome is that?? We did celebrate the night before (since they have early bedtimes now that school has started) We treated him to Orange Leaf....THE BEST FROZEN YOGURT PLACE EVER....and he was able to open his presents one day early too :) :) On his birthday I did make his favorite dinner "Patties" (as we call them) they are sorta like meatballs but they are mini hamburger patties that have onions, cilantro, shredded potatoes in them...they are AWESOME....and I made him a special birthday cake too :) He had a BLAST!!!

First Day of School

Today I sent both of my boys off to school. It was a bittersweet ordeal. They were both so excited to start school but mama was not ready for them leave. Last night Mama got a little chocked up reading a story about the 1st day of Kindergarten...so this morning Ace asked me if I was gonna cry when I dropped him off....I promised him that I wouldn't lol. Aidan was the first to get dropped off and he did AWESOME...he didn't cry one bit....he ran off and started playing with the kids. I was happy that he did so well but was a little bummed that he was too busy to say goodbye . Then it was off to take Ace to Kindergarten...this morning I walked him into the Cafeteria so that he knew where he was suppose to go :) He sat at his table and we all waited for the bell to ring. He was such a big boy..he said he was a little nervous but that he was 6 now and that he was a BIG kid :) :) So now it is just Ashlyn Mae and Mama at home on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and boy do we have FUN on our GIRLS DAYS :)

My Babies :)

 

My Big Kindergartener

 

 

Ace's First Day of Kindergarten

 

 

Aidan's First Day of Pre-School

 

 

My Big Boys

 

 My Loves :)

 



 Daddy and his boys

Aidan and Ms. Britany

 

Ace and Ms. Douglas

Happy Birthday Ace

My baby boy, my first born is 6 years old and starting Kindergarten....where has the time gone?? He is growing up so fast! I am so proud and happy of the little boy he is becoming....he does have his moments of being stubbornness but with parents like us....who can blame him :)

Ace and Aidan's Birthday Party

This year the boys wanted to go to Jump City for their Birthday Party....now Philip and I are not big on big, cost consuming parties, but we decided to give it a shot and the kids had a BLAST and the cost of the party was pennies :) :) So we are happy that we decided to give in the boys request. They both invited mutual friends and spent the afternoon jumping around, playing games, eating cake, and opening presents :)